How to Stage Your Own Disappearance on Mother’s Day💁‍♀️

I’m a thriller author. I write about good people behaving badly, keeping secrets, getting caught in not-so-nice situations, and the ways in which they save themselves—which often involves breaking the law. Almost by default, this means I’m also interested in true crime, especially disappearances (my debut is titled Make Me Disappear, after all).

Disappearances fascinate me, not because I see them as entertainment (in so many cases, they end in tragedy)—but because I always wonder what really happened? I find disappearances far more hopeful than murders. A murder is final. But in a disappearance, there’s always a chance that person is still alive—and maybe even wanted to disappear. In Playing Dead: A Journey Through the World of Death Fraud, author Elizabeth Greenwood exposes how one man’s entire job revolved around helping people do exactly that—sometimes to head off to a better life under a new, assumed name.

Have you ever secretly fantasized about disappearing?

As moms, it’s not really that we want to disappear or leave our families behind—more that we want a break. A real break, where we wake up and are only responsible for ourselves for an entire day.

So today, instead of talking about the meaning of Mother’s Day or sending you a what you really want gift list, I’m going to draw on my years of expertise as a disappearance obsessive and help you have the perfect Mother’s Day by giving you instructions on exactly what you will need to do to (temporarily) disappear.

1) Text your spouse. Tell them your plans for Mother’s Day. They will of course say they assumed you would all be spending the day together, but fellow moms, we all know that simply means we will yet again be responsible for making sure everyone has on shoes, snacks are packed, rain jackets remembered, and exactly zero down time for you. When what you really want for Mother’s Day is a day to yourself.

2) Leave the house. Get a rental car that cannot be identified as being your vehicle, so by the time your spouse notices he can’t find Billy’s soccer cleats, you’re already gone (and not easily located).

3) Turn your phone off. Enough said.

4) You’ll need a disguise. Now, this will depend on your typical mom costume. Blue jeans and a t-shirt? Borrow a pair of scrubs. Joggers and a hoodie? Try a maxi dress. Switch up your hairstyle, swap lipstick colors, and assume your new identity.

5) Pull out cash ahead of time. Don’t let your husband find you because you used your debit card at your favorite coffee shop/wine bar/the airport on your way to Miami.

6) Pick out a new sassy name to try on. Sasha Fierce, table for one!

7) Avoid places you’ll run into your fellow PTA or soccer moms—that means no Target, no grocery store, no Trader Joe’s. And besides, is that really what you want to do with your day?

8) Pack snacks like you would for your kiddos… except with you in mind. I’m picturing dark chocolate, a matcha tea, maybe your favorite wine or whisky to sip on once you…

9) Check into a hotel! Use your fancy assumed name. Pay cash. Pretend you are your favorite badass character. Buy yourself a nice meal, soak in the hot tub, and watch whatever you want—there is no room for Blippi here!

And there you have it, my fellow mom. An entire twenty-four hours solely for you. When you wake up the next morning, you’ll be relaxed, refreshed, and… ready to deal with reminding your children they must wear shoes to school once again.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the tired mothers reading this! I hope you get what you really need: a day of rest.

Today I’m cheating and recommending one of my own books (it’s Mother’s Day, after all, I should treat myself, right?). Besides, it truly follows the theme of creating your own disappearance! Make Me Disappear was my debut novel, about Noelle, a Seattle-based RN who arranges for her own kidnapping to escape her sociopathic, narcissistic doctor boyfriend… but nothing goes as planned and she decides to turn the tables on him in a twisted game of cat and mouse. It’s told in dual-POV, and Daniel (the narcissistic doctor boyfriend) is particularly fun (and evil) if you’re a fan of Joe Goldman in You. Jeneva Rose called it, “Everything you want in a twisty psychological thriller. I couldn't turn the pages of this highly addictive debut fast enough.” Grab it here.

My first bookish event at Browsers Bookshop in Olympia, WA

I’ll be back next week with a kid’s recommendation (she’s reading so much I can barely keep up!). Penny and Maggy will leave you with their cuteness as they helped me garden this past week. For bonus points, can you spot the cat?? He joined in the fun, too. Happy Mother’s Day!

Meet me in the comments: I’d love to know what your “escape” is when you just need some time alone? You’ll find my answer below, where I hope you’ll join in the conversation!